Mustang Sale-y

 
Mustang Sale-y

I was never “That Guy” who was into cars, but I did enjoy driving…and certainly found myself behind the wheel more often than not.  There was a poignant point in my life I was everyone’s chauffer.  It continued in college, as I was the man with the motorcar…it was so long ago I believe that is how they were referred to.  My chariot of choice was a 4 cylinder 1984 Datsun, before they grew up and became Nissan.  Now 4 cylinders, 4 schmylenders…what does that mean?  Well, it meant to me that if I had two or more traveling partners, the A/C was on…going up the smallest incline was near impossible.

Eventually this Datsun died after giving everything she had.  I was left pedestrian.  But wait!  My parents had procured a car for my sibling.  He was of unqualified driving age, yet they found the need. (I will blog about my parents another day).  This vehicle resided in the driveway like a monument to waste in the garden of ignorance.  It was just what I needed!  I brought life back to this metallic monolith.  A 1973 Ford Mustang…8 cylinders.  I could have friends AND A/C AND inclines…what more could a motorist ask for!  I had caught Mustang fever.  Unfortunately, this was only temporary transportation so my mind meandered to a more modern model.  It was 1992 and time for a new car.

Now, you may have noticed Ford had a little financial fiasco recently.  Something about Bankruptcy and Bailouts.  The blame placed squarely on extravagant, out of touch management.  I, however, have a differing opinion…maybe the foundation of Ford was cracked.  Ladies and Gentleman, I give you…the Salesman.

I had never shopped for a new car and haggling was not my forte.  I decided to phone a friend.  He makes the Priceline Negotiator look like Pushover Paige (I’m not that kind of pushover!).  He agreed to accompany me on my car quest.  His idea was to locate last year’s models rotting on the lot.  We finally found a Ford dealer with such.  I picked out a pristine performer.  Having my future car discovered, I searched for a salesman.  You fool!...my friend snickered… let them come to you.  They will be all over you like ants at a picnic…and you’re the big turkey leg.  I was easy prey…a salesman’s dream.

Surprisingly the salesman sent was a sarcastic Frank Nelson…as if that annoying guy who always says Ye-e-e-es wasn’t caustic enough.  Every question we asked was retorted with a snippy, Why Ye-e-e-es…it has this, Why Ye-e-e-es it has that.  We went in to close the deal and I let my friend fire away…and he followed with a low-ball yet fair offer.  To our “surprise” he said, Why Ye-e-e-es, let me ask my manager.  He soon returned triumphantly, Why Ye-e-e-es..we can do that price.  We were stunned it was so simple!  After he saw our glee, his mouth formed a word I thought he was not capable of…Well, No-o-o-oo…we can’t really do THAT price.  We were dumbfounded he allowed us to endure in our delight, just to radically remove it.  We immediately departed…and Frankie boy was stunned why.  Panicking, as he parlayed a sale into fail, he nervously followed asking, Are you guys going to Norristown Ford?  I turned and responded…Well, we weren’t…but Well, Ye-e-e-es…thanks to you we are!

In spite of this event, I eventually forgave Ford and mustered up a Mustang.  I enjoyed our long term relationship til her engine block broke.  I decided to continue my love affair.

It was now 2002 and thoughts of Mr. Nelson had dissipated.  It was the Internet age and my frugal friend was no longer needed.  I decided to go it alone and scoured online for my Mustang match.  I found her, VIN number and all.  Armed with a print out, I proceeded to the place of purchase.  I bee-lined right up to the car like I already owned it.  I was easy prey…a salesman’s dream.  Deja Vu all over again!

This time they sent me Gil from the Simpsons.  He approached me like he never made a sale before.  I could swear I heard him mutter…Ole Gil really needs this.  He sheepishly stuttered to me, What can I do to have you drive home in this Mustang today?,…as if he was reading it from Chapter 1 of Selling for Dummies.  I made it simple for the simpleton; I wanted Cash Back or Low Financing…whichever worked best for me.  My mistake, these two choices were two too many.  He summoned his supervisor.  This new suited schlep approached with, What can I do to have you drive home in this Mustang today?  What… were they cloning these guys in the back room?  I repeated my need, but he could not help either.  How could I choose between the options if you could not tell me the APR or the amount of cash back?  Ignoring my plea, he just repeated, What can I do to have you drive home in this Mustang today?  I responded with, I know what you DID do, you managed to have me drive home in the SAME Mustang I came in today.  His last ditch effort, he defiantly declared, Well, there is no guarantee this car will be here when you get back.  I chuckled at him, The way you guys sell cars…I GUARANTEE it will be here for a LONG, LONG time!

Fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice, I now drive a BMW…