Stepping Out - Breaking Us In Two

For many, January 22, 2007 seems like a lifetime ago. For others, it actually was. 19 years is a long time period. It was too long to be a head coach for the same team. Especially a coach as stubborn to change as an Irish Mule.

Tomlin was my preference over Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm. Mostly for the reason that I wanted a complete change and not a promotion from within. The Steelers, it seems, made the right choice. 2007 was a good season, The Steelers finished 10-6 and won their division. They were rewarded with a home playoff game. I think Steeler fans were just happy that they were back in the playoffs after a down year. Jacksonville came to town with a 12-5 record but this didn’t matter. Steeler fans were excited to have a home playoff game for the first time in 3 years. Before you knew it though, the Steelers were down 21-7 and then 28-10 entering the 4th. How could this be on our home turf? But we still had Ben. Throw out the game plan, let Ben be Ben. Ben first pulled the Steelers to a 28-23 deficit pending the extra point. There was 10:25 left and Tomlin went for 2 which was the correct call. The Steelers 2 point try was good! However, Hines Ward was called for a penalty. With 10:25 left and all your timeouts, most coaches would kick the extra point to make it 28-24. I believe the announcers saw the predestined doom when they said you don’t want to leave points out there. The two point try from the 12 yard line was not even close. 28-23. More Ben magic was to come. With 6:21 left the Steelers scored a TD making it 29-28, a one point Steeler lead. Now, it was an obvious 2 point try. And it failed. Yes, hindsight tells you that if you kicked the extra point from the 12 on the previous TD and then you automatically go for the kick on this TD, you’d be up by 3 (remember extra points then were almost automatic). Going for the 2 point try from the 12 when it was NOT absolutely necessary seemed to be a harbinger of doom, not just for this game…but for a coach’s future. The Jags got the ball back and instead of kicking a game tying FG, the kick was a winner. When asked about why he went for 2 from the 12 after the penalty, Tomlin said these words, “You can’t live in your fears”. For the next 18 years, Steeler fans had to live with their own fears.

Fast forward to Monday night. CnP: The Steelers finished 10-7 and won their division. They were rewarded with a home playoff game. I think Steeler fans were just happy that they were back in the playoffs after another failed year. Houston came to town with a 12-5 record but this didn’t matter. Steeler fans were excited to have a home playoff game for the first time in 5 years. While the CnP ends there, this game was actually a reverse of Tomlin’s first playoff game…with no Ben to save him. It was perfect symmetry to his prolonged career. He lost it going away…”Living in his fears”.

Tomlin enjoyed success in 2008. In 2009, the disturbing trend was born. One that somehow was nurtured and allowed to survive until Tomlin’s run came to an end. In 2009 the Steelers finished 9-7, but 3rd in the division. The 3rd year of his “dubious” non losing seasons. I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit. But unlike the national sports media, Steeler fans witnessed something that eventually got its own name, the “Tomlin Special”. This would be losing to teams that would finish the season with somewhere between 2-5 wins, and this happened almost EVERY season. The reigning Superbowl champs were on their way, but the “special” was born. At 6-3, over the next four weeks, they lost to the 2-7 Chiefs on the road, the 3-8 Raiders at home and the 1-11 Browns on the road. 6-3 quickly became 6-7. The Steelers, effectively out of the playoff race, recovered and won the last 3 weeks. That would keep alive what would be the early stages of Tomlin’s “streak”. With ALL this national sports media Canonizing Tomlin this week, no one decided to break down this trend against the weak that ultimately left Steeler fans wanting.

2012 could be seen as a transition year. Fans were still reeling from losing to Tebow, and I won’t bother breaking down yet another failed Tomlin playoff game against a weaker opponent. I will stick to losing to weaker opponents during the season. Once again a Tomlin team lost to the eventual 5-11 Raiders and  to the 4-12 Browns both on the road. With those 2 wins the Steelers could have been 10-6 and tied for the division lead. In reality the Steelers stood at 7-8 after 15 games with nothing to play for. They played at home against Cleveland who also had nothing to play for. Cleveland started future HOF’er at QB Thaddeus Lewis (that’s sarcasm son!) against Ben. The Steelers won this “meaningless” game (eventually it would turn out to be not so meaningless) and they went 8-8. But hey, year 6 of the “streak” was in the books!

Steeler fans, still optimistic, were ready for 2013. Tomlin and the Steelers were not. Tomlin somehow got a team with Ben, AB and Bell to drop their first 4 game and stood at 0-4 at the bye. This season saw a loss once again at the Raiders who would wind up 4-12 and the Vikings in London who would finish 5-10-1. The Steelers stood at 5-8 with 3 games to play. The “streak” was not quite the “streak” yet, but it had a pulse. At 7-8 the Steelers once again faced the Browns for a meaningless game on the last week of the season. This time the Browns rolled out All Pro QB Jason Campbell (is there a sarcasm font?). The Steelers won and went 8-8. But hey, year 7 of the “streak” was in the books!

2014 saw shades of 2013 as the Steelers floundered around .500 at the midway point. But going 6-2 down the stretch led the Steelers to their first Division title since 2010. A success you say? Well, I am sure the national media was loading up the Tomlin bandwagon! But wait, what about that disturbing trend? 11-5 is good right. Well, this is where that trend crushes any chance at true post season success. 11-5 got us a wildcard playoff game at home against, of all teams, the Ravens. Well, 20-9 in the 3rd and we know how the rest went. Ben tried to rally us but being in a hole against the Ravens D is never a pleasant experience. But let’s go back a bit to the season. Oh look! Tomlin lost to the 2-14 Bucs and the 4-12 Jets. One of these wins could have given us a bye week. A chance to rest players, perhaps get a few back and get a lesser opponent. But hey, the national sports media was full on in love with Tomlin at this point.

2015 there was some optimism since the Steelers had finally made the playoffs the season before. Once again the Steelers floundered around .500 at the midway point. The Steelers played better in the 2nd half going 5-2 to stand at 9-6. I think the schedule makers are lazy at this point because we are playing Cleveland again on the last game of the season. Steelers win and they are in. Cleveland is 3-12 so this looks like it could be a Tomlin Special. Fans hold their breath as the Browns roll out generational talent Austin Davis at QB (I might be out of sarcasm). Steeler win easily to finish 10-6 and have to go on the road to play the 12-4 Bengals. Hey, no “Tomlin Special” that last game. But wait, there were other games that season. Tomlin lost both games to the 5-11 Ravens (obviously meaning that almost half their wins were against the Steelers) but the Bengals made sure to take care of business and win both games. Had the Steelers done the same, the matchups would have been easier for the Steelers. I won’t rehash the Cincy playoff game. By all rights Tomlin should have lost to AJ McCarron adding him to the Tim Tebow list. But the Bungles are called the Bungles for a reason. Well before the Burfict and Pacman personal fouls was a fumble while trying to run out the clock. Ben came off the bench to save the day. Turns out the Bungles would do the job for him. While we may not know the outcome of the first playoff game had the Steelers went 12-4, we did know at 10-6 we would have to go on the road again…this time to Denver, and we know how that turned out. Home field is huge in the playoffs and the disturbing trend of losing games you should win continued, this time costing seeding once again.

2016 brought even more optimism. However once again, the Steelers floundered around .500 at the midway point. The Steelers however rolled off 7 wins to finish 11-5 and win the Division. This was the last best chance we had. The disturbing trend was finally missing. It wouldn’t have mattered if it did as the Patriots finished 14-2. The Steelers finally made the AFC Championship game for the first time since the 2010 season. The Steelers hung around in this game until midway through the 2nd. I believe Chris Hogan is still running wide open til this day.  But what is this, Ben again rallied the team right before the end of the half. The drive stalled inside the 5. Ben begged Tomlin to go for it on 4th down, but alas, someone “Lived in their fears”. Steelers kicked the FG and pulled within 8 to 17-9. The Patriots would go on to score the next 19 points. As Warner Wolf would say, you can turn off your TV sets there. This would be the start of the 7 game playoff losing streak.

2017 brought even more optimism. Steelers rolled to a 13-3 record. Fans will lament over the Jesse James catch. But hey, remember that disturbing trend? That catch would not have mattered had the Steelers taken care of business against the 5-11 Bears. They could have finished 14-2 rendering the Jesse James catch barely a footnote in history. 13-3 got the Steelers a home date with the Jaguars instead of the lowly Titans. No matter, HOF coach Tomlin was more focused on the following game vs the Patriots…and by default so was his team. The 73-0 streak began but the national sports media paid it no mind. Ben tried to bring the Steelers back, but Tomlin “lived in his fears” in the 4th quarter again. Fearing his D could not stop the Jags, he senselessly called for an onside kick at the 2 minute warning even though he had all his timeouts. Flashback to going for 2 points 10 years earlier when it was the wrong decision. Jags recovered the onside kick in FG range, booted it through and effectively ending the game. I wish analytics were around then, and in 2007, to crucify Tomlin.

2018 was the start of the fan base getting a bit restless. How could we lose to the Jags? But this year the Steelers got off to a good start and led the AFC at the halfway mark. That’s when it all unravelled. The Steelers lost to a 4 win Bronco team and a 3 win Raiders team (again!). The disturbing trend was there again. However, bigger problems emerged. The Steelers had an AB problem. It eventually led to AB sitting out the last game. If the disturbing trend of losing to weak teams didn’t happen and they made the playoffs, it didn’t matter with this new issue. Whether Tomlin’s coaching created AB or held AB in check until this point could be debated. This season marked the end of the Steelers as a Superbowl contender to this day.

2019 was a different type of year with Ben going out. But Tomlin’s coaching to win the game and mortgage the future evolved. It was a throw away season that should have let the team know if Mason Rudolph could be the guy. Tomlin stuck with Duck. For a coach who had a lifetime position, he never coached for the future, and that is why I always felt he was the wrong coach to build a team.

2020 was the Covid year and the last hurrah. The Steelers went 11-0 with smoke and mirrors and Ben drawing up plays in the dirt. Everyone knew it couldn’t last except Tomlin. He never changed his game plan and teams caught on. They would drop 5 of their last 6 including games including number 3 of the 7 in a row playoff losses, the last 6 in blowout fashion.

2021-2025 saw a lot of the same with losses to weak teams. This included setting a record with back to back home losses to two 2-10 teams. Something never brought up by the national sports media. Tomlin then played Russian Roulette with his QB’s. 2022 Trubisky will start, Pickett will learn. Halfway through game 4 of that season Mitch was pulled, Kenny was in. 2023 Kenny you’re our number one! He gets hurt, Mitch you are back in. Mitch you suck! Who do we have left on the bench, oh, that Rudolph guy! The guy Tomlin screwed in 2019 saves Tomlin’s precious streak. Pickett is now healthy, does he go back in? No? But he’s listed as the #1 QB. Oh, that’s for next year. Hello 2024! Tomlin gets fixed up with Russell Wilson. Tomlin buys in even though the whole NFL world warns against it. Goodbye Pickett! Wilson gets hurt. Justin Fields to the rescue. You go 4-2? Team wants you to continue? Sorry Tomlin says different. Steelers look good but it is eventually the same old story in the end. 2025 Deja Vu? Tomlin goes out and gets another broken down QB. Was Tomlin building a team or was he now just in panic mode trying to win ONE playoff game to repair his legacy. It looked more like someone scrambling than someone with a plan.

Ultimately, when Ben Roethlisberger was healthy, Tomlin was unable to win playoff games with him in 2007, ‘09, ‘11, ‘12, ‘13, ‘14, ‘17, ‘18, ‘20 and ‘21. The last 4-5 years seem like a complete waste. Perhaps Tomlin should have seen the writing on the wall and left with Ben at the end of the 2021 season. But he seems like a man who is too stubborn to learn and adapt. So many times the team thought they could just show up and win, something that trickled down from their coach. Yes, he has the 19 year streak of never having a losing season. But what fans are left with is that it should have been SO much more. Tomlin’s teams MO was never taking care of business. Some will argue he did more with less, I will always argue that is the exact opposite. Some fans are thankful for the good seasons…and they will say to me you are seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. Well, if my glass is always half full, isn’t it past time to change the bartender?

Change

Change

It is coming upon two years since Max left me. I try to lock myself down emotionally, but if you know me that’s next to impossible. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

As an aside, this is about my relationship with Max and others, not Christina. (She made me say this!)

Christina and Arthur have been left out to protect the innocent lol

Coming out of the cocoon that was COVID was an experience that many will never see again. It was like the dawning of a new age. Time to spread our wings once again. However, a line had already been drawn in the sand with my own experiences. What was before was gone, never to return. What lie ahead was the start of something new, different. I embraced this change as best as I could. When Max left, there was no turning back. I’d experience this new life without my savior. I’d go it alone.

Wounds that were inflicted before COVID lay dormant during the pandemic. But the scars never fully healed during this respite. A new life awaited though. I would take those lessons with me. But if Max taught me anything, it was to go into it with an open heart and I seemed to forget those hard learned lessons of yesteryear. But letting my guard down was never a conscious choice. I’m either in or I’m out. Really not much gray area. Perhaps this time I was IN too easily. So, when life changed, I embraced it. New job, new friends, new situations, new path. And change is not something I take lightly, nor do I welcome. It was a brave new world. Of course it was not a clean slate, however most of the chalk was erased from the blackboard. These last few years have certainly reinforced what Max was. My faith in him was always returned with his faith in me. Even his last few days he gave me that look I knew all too well…”Daddy, I know you’ll take care of me”. How could I not, he had done the same for me for 15 years.

Faith in people is much different. It tends not to be the same two-way street. It was something I learned at a young age, and unfortunately it is continuously reinforced. I’ve been told perhaps I have high expectations. Perhaps…perhaps I’m only looking to receive what I’m willing to give in return. Max never gave looking for that return, but he certainly deserved and earned it. Maybe I don’t deserve or earn it because I somehow expect it. And that’s what leads to disappointment: expectations. And people certainly don’t disappoint with that. Even though my guard is usually up, I have a very outgoing exterior which is easy to penetrate. But behind that is a solid wall. Sometimes I’m a good judge of bad character…so that wall is the end of their journey. Some may get a brief glimpse on the other side, only to be quickly escorted back. Others, very few others, get through that wall. But even then, most of those are returned by their own doing. This last month leading up to the 2nd anniversary of Max’s passing has been challenging. It also would seem the universe has recently tossed a few reminders, something more than just coincidences, about previous instances where expectations were apparently a bit too high. So changes are coming...in both work and life, the likes that haven’t been seen since the COVID eclosing. And these changes are a result of misplaced expectations. I’ve already mentioned where expectations lead you…and it makes me miss Max all that much more.

And as if to knock me down, reality came around. I found myself needing Max by my side more than ever. I had always gone it alone before him. But over those 15 years I didn’t have to. People will always disappoint, but Max never did. Even at the end he fought so hard to stay with me. And now I go it alone again…naturally.

Logos

Goodbye My Friend

Goodbye My Friend

I have wanted to write a sort of epitaph for Max after he passed. It was easier to post videos and photos of our time together. They say a picture is worth a thousand words…and the words I wanted to say were hard to pull from me. For the story of Max begins with me…however, I won’t start from the beginning.

Almost six months have now passed, and that day will coincide with my 58th birthday. Today, in a little while from now, if I'm not feeling any less sour, I promised myself…to write this…in an effort to, make it clear to whoever wants to know what it's like when you're shattered…Naturally.

I’ll pick it up in my late 30’s to early 40’s. Several large-scale events took place. 

1) My parents passed away within three months of each other. As if that was not hard enough, there were no wills. Without going into details, I found myself in a fight for my parents’ house, a place I had called home since I was 8 years old.

2) After over 2 decades of being single, I got married…which my parents did not live to see (they probably would have died of shock hearing that news anyway).

3) I sold my co-op apartment where I had lived for 10 years. My wife to be and I bought a house, obviously a big financial step and responsibility. Perhaps more house than we needed, but we fell in love with the property.

4) After buying the house and getting married, I was being forced out of my job of 14 years. Christina had moved to Long Island based on my job location, one I thought I would always be at. This created an uncertain future for a new future that had hardly begun.

5) Since Christina moved to Long Island, she needed to find a new job. What seemed easy at first, became very stressful. Luckily she was able to find a job, albeit not one she had hoped for. I, on the other hand, now had to find a job for the first time in 14 years. A lot of late nights searching online for jobs, while still trying to hang onto the one I had. 

6) The job I found was in the city. The commute sucked and I was away from home a lot during the day. The VP who hired me left the company, and everything she planned for me left with her. Christina was not happy with her job also, but she kept it to herself.

7) Our combined income was now less with our new jobs, so while money isn’t everything…who am I kidding…it is. A tight budget didn’t help things.

Those first two years were the toughest. The future did not seem so bright.

But in 2007, fate must have woke her, 'Cause lady luck she was waiting outside the door. Christina’s position was not renewed, and her job search began again. She interviewed with the Director of Guidance at Lindenhurst. They immediately hit it off. She served as a mentor to Christina. After the Director retired, I told her that her faith in Christina changed everything in our life. From the house to our happiness…and to that fateful day in March of 2008 when Christina walked into the attendance office at the high school. She could have walked right passed that bulletin board, but something caught her eye. He would eventually capture our hearts. After two tough years, our lives would be lit up for the next 15. It was the right place, the right time. Fate. It was somethting we didn't know we were missing.

I have written about adopting Max, so I am not going to repeat it here. Previous Blog

As Max grew older, much older than I could have ever imagined…his younger days of being a “rambunctious” dog seemed to dissipate in my memory. Most of his younger days were captured by camera, not an iPhone which now is always readily available. I nicknamed him Crazy Dog…more of a description than a moniker. But we soon learned he was crazy like a fox...and knew how to push our buttons. When Max would do something he wasn’t supposed to do, he fully well knew it…and looked back at us like, what are you going to do about it? Yeah, he was actually tough to catch back then…I forget that now too. Because of these actions, we’d say he was a little stinker…and it was eventually shortened to just Stinky. That name would stick with him to the end.

In October of 2009, I took Christina to be a Trainer for a Day at the National Aviary in Pittsburgh (like to take a guess why we were in Pittsburgh?) At the end of the day, we spoke with one of the trainers. We mentioned our Stinky dog. He showed me a training tip, one that Max and I would eventually perfect and show off everywhere we went. I kidded it was Max’s safe word. He would come to me no matter what once I gave that command. It came in handy to retrieve him when he was being, well, a stinker. Max turned out to be very trainable. He loved showing off. He loved people’s reactions when he showed off. And yes, he loved the treats after he did so. Eventually you could speak in whole sentences, and he seemed to understand it all. He was my dog. That would change. He would be so much more.

As much of a stinker Max was, there was not a mean or angry part of his soul. Max had played with a friend’s dog when that dog was a pup. Max would pin him down playing since he outweighed him by quite a bit. While Max was playing, I think that dog built up a resentment. They continued to interact and eventually that dog grew to Max’s size. One day, what seemed like playing, soon was not…well, at least for the other dog. Even playing, Max was a powerful dog so one was not dominating the other. As we realized what was happening, they needed to be separated. I had always told Christina, never yell at Max if something like this happens. Because even though he was a stinker, he would listen. Well he listened, he stopped, the other dog got the upper hand. After they separated, it was decided to have them interact again to work things out. I deferred to the other owner since I was a relatively new dog daddy. As I tried to lead Max to the other dog, he slipped out of my grip and jumped off the deck to the far side…a spot that is not meant to nor had he ever gone off from before. I went around the other side to get him, and he had this look I will never forget…and it is even harder to describe. But I recognized it. When my Mom was dating after the divorce, we would often stay at the house of one of the guys she was with. His daughter was around my age and very nice. However, the neighbor had a son who was a few years older, who was not very nice…a bully. When I told my Mom and her boyfriend about the situation, instead of listening to me they decided to get us to play together. That didn’t work out well for me. I recognized that look on Max’s face, it was once on mine. As I sat down, Max came over to me and laid his head in my lap and gave that look up at me. I told him, I understand…and I will never let you down again.

He would never again have to interact with that dog. As an aside, I found a Lab group…which Max loved being a part of…and they loved having him.

It was during that same year I was getting frustrated with my job. The banks had collapsed so I was lucky at least to have one, but I was stuck. After a long day of work, and yet another horrible commute on the LIRR, I arrived home to just Max. I let him out of his cage and sat on the floor with him. I broke down. Now normally I do not let dogs lick my face, it seemed something in their saliva would give me a rash. This time I don’t think I had a choice. Max gave me a facewash, one that I had never gotten before. Some will say he just liked the salt in the tears. However, he kept pulling back to take a look at me…seemingly to see if he was helping, then continue…then pull back again. It was the first time I allowed him to lick my face…I also did not break out. It was the day Max told me he’d take care of me too.

We would become inseparable. He was the Hobbes to my Calvin. Often times Christina would ask where we were going, I would just respond, Spelunking! There are so many stories that follow, and way too many to tell here. I think we got along so well because we were the same. I described us as “Two assholes that eventually do the right thing”.

However, one story I will tell is with his interactions with other people. He just had a way. On one of Max’s adventures, we were taking the ferry as walk on passengers to the Islanders farm team in Bridgeport, it was Pucks and Paws Day. Christina ran into a coworker on the ferry, so I let them talk as I walked Max around for the hour plus trip. As we went to exit the ferry, Christina said to let everyone go before us since we have a dog. Almost to a person, everyone who passed us said Goodbye Max, Nice to meet you Max, Have a great time at the game Max. Christina turns to me, how is it that everyone knows my dog? I said Max took it upon himself to go and introduce himself to everyone on the ferry. I am sure he made their days a little brighter like he always did ours.

As Max got older, he eventually could no longer make it up the steps to sleep with us. Some nights I would just cuddle up on the floor and hold him. When he realized I was there, he would wag his tail, turn his head, and give me a kiss. I had no idea this would go on for another 4 years. When Covid hit, everyone was told to stay home. Max couldn’t have been happier. He would follow me around the house all day from beginning to end. I would have my coffee on the deck as Max laid by my side. Sipping my coffee with one hand, petting my pal with the other. He learned how to open the French doors to my home office. He could come and go as he pleased. That time at home was a gift. I didn’t think we could grow closer, but we did.

During that time Max developed a lump that turned out to be Cancer. He had surgery at 13 ½ years old. The week before I took him to all his old stomping grounds. I made him steak and eggs. I took his paw prints. It was Max Week, but I prepared for the worse. But Max was not ready to end his story there. He still had so much life to live. Even 2 years on chemo did not slow him down…but Father Time did. I always told Max I couldn’t handle life without him, that I was going to go first. I will say, he gave me ample time for that to happen. After the Cancer surgery I tried to spend as much time with Max as I could. I would be there for him, I would not let him down…I had made that promise years ago.

From 15 to 16 Max really began to slow down. I think I still tried to fool myself it wasn’t happening. October of 2022 was his last adventure out of the house. Right after Easter in 2023 I had a Max and Me day (like most days). The Yankees played in the afternoon and the Islanders played at night (I even turned down a ticket just to be with Max). We sat together under the Pavilion to watch both games. In the afternoon Max got Cinnamon Twists from Taco Bell and that night Ginger from the sushi place. It was two of his favorite treats. He made it outside, but walking was a challenge. It had been a while since he stopped his physical therapy. Every now and then, he’d have an actual hop in his step…and it always brought a smile to both our faces. Other times he struggled, and I would tap him in the butt with my foot and say, you stop walking…you die. A little harsh, but I knew the day he stopped walking it would be the end. That day would be April 18th, 2023.

That day I had scheduled for Fios to come and do an install for all our TV’s. I came down to put Arthur in his cage. I went over to Max and I knew something was up. He had not moved from where I left him the night before. I tried to coax him to get up. He didn’t even try. My world collapsed on me. I didn’t have time to cancel the install, so I went ahead with it. When the technician was done, he commented what a good boy my dog was, he didn’t move. That is when I lost it. Tears filled my eyes as I told the tech he could no longer move on his own, and this had just happened. The tech laid down on the floor and he began to pet Max. Max picked his head up to give him a kiss, to say thank you as he always did. It reminded me of the time on one of the Vineyard Walks. The Winemaker would get ahead of the group to get to the designated resting area to pour water in the bowls for the dogs. Max always liked to lead so he was the first one there. Max drank the water as the Winemaker was still filling the oversized dish. When Max was done, he turned to the Winemaker and gave him a kiss. A bit caught off guard the Winemaker had realized what had just happened and said, You’re welcome, Max. The Fios tech went on to tell Max to relax, not to strain himself as he continued to pet him. I let him stay as long as he liked. When he was done, I thanked him for taking the time to spend with Max. He said he had recently lost his own dog.

I set Max up in the kitchen so he can look out the sliding glass doors and he could see us more easily. As the days passed Father Time pushed hard. I came out of my office one morning and Max looked up at me. His eyes sunken, his lifeforce dwindling. Yet just outside the sun was glistening, the trees where in bloom, Spring and life was in the air. I used to say when asked what I did with Max that day, I’d say…we had joy we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. Today that song had a new meaning…as the verses, not the chorus, hit home. I put on the song and sang to Max as I had done a thousand times before. This time however, I was drowning in my tears.

Goodbye My Max, my little one

You gave me love and helped me find the sun

And every time that I was down

You would always come around

And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye My Max, it's hard to die

When all the birds are singing in the sky

Now that the spring is in the air

With the flowers everywhere

I wish that we could both be there…

When Max stopped eating the vet said he had 24-48 hours. This is the death cycle. But just like Max would always do, he stuck around longer. I carried him outside so he could have fresh air. Christina and I ate outside and spent as much time as we could with him. I like to believe he knew we were there. On the Monday before his vet appointment, it was finally warm enough to give him a bath outside. He seemed happy to get cleaned. I could not be sure until I went to dry him off. Max always loved the leaf blower. I would use it on him one last time. He did something he had not done in a few days…he wagged his tail. He was still with us.

We had always worried we would not be around for Max at the end. As hard as it was, I would have had it no other way. Tuesday morning we awoke to Max struggling to breathe. We hoped we had not waited too long to go to the vet. I was able to give him some of his pain meds, and that seemed to relax his breathing. It was almost time to go, but we did not want to leave Max alone. Christina went up to shower first. I got my iPhone and pulled up Max’s song. I used to start signing it to him while he was asleep, by the end of the song he had me pinned down and was giving me a facewash. I knew this time would be different. I sang him his song, never wishing to hide the tears. When I was finished, Christina came down and it was her watch. When I returned, she told me Max had evacuated. Even though his heart still beat, I knew he was gone. I hoped he heard his song before he left us.

I hadn’t given it much thought on how to get him into the car. Seeing his ramp gave me the solution. The ramp he had used the last year to carry him into the house would carry him one last time. I placed it upon a dolly, and we carefully laid Max down. We rolled it to the car, it was the exact height of the seat so we slid him over into the back seat. Christina would ride in the back and hold Max. It reminded me of a time I had to rush Max to the emergency room. This time though the outcome was already prewritten.

We decided to take Max to the vet for what we needed to do. Both Christina and I did not want it done in our home. Never one to be subtle I said, so I am going to pay someone to come to my house, kill my dog and take away the evidence? No thanks. Plus, the vet was not just a vet. She was a friend. Max had gotten to know the staff, and they Max. He was one of the few dogs that liked going to the vet. We also had boarded him there when he was younger. He would come bolting in like he was crashing a party, yet he was the party and the staff knew it. This time his entrance would be more subdued.

When we arrived, I went into the office to get Cisco, our favorite vet tech. He saw me and I could not even speak. He asked if we needed his help, I was barely able to nod. He carried Max in, realizing he was only moments away. He laid Max down in the office and made him comfortable…but there were no signs of acknowledgement from Max. The vet came in and commented Max looked good, because in my communications with her I felt he physically deteriorated, and we waited too long. She assured me we didn’t, and it sounded like he did not suffer. She gave Max a sedative which was a formality at this point. After only half of the next needle, the vet checked for a heartbeat. Max was gone…and so was my heart.

I now sit outside in the morning having my coffee. I find my hand reaching down for something that is no longer there. Each day is empty, yet from the outside it looks so full. Each day I remain in an emotionless fog, fearful I will drown in any other option. The tears do come every day though, in a way I have never experienced before. 

Goodbye my friend.

The Russian Connection

My good friend Kermit and I decided to rewrite his song to keep with the political times. It’s called “The Russian Connection”…and it goes a little like this…

Why are there so many signs with the Russians and what's on the other side.
Russia, election, but not with collusion, and a Cabinet with nothing to hide?
So we’ve seen tweets and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong wait and see.

Someday we'll find it, the Russian connection.
The Donald, with Putin and pee.

Who said the Fake News should be watched and responded to when seen from a Fox and Friend’s star?
Our Pres he bought all of it, his followers believed him.
Truth now it seems oh so far.

What's so amazing that this isn’t fazing and what do we think this might be?

Someday we'll find it, the Russian connection.
The Donald, with Putin and pee.

All of us under his spell.
As President he has been tragic.

This nation’s been half asleep, we hear all the voices.
It keeps on saying Trump’s name.
Could it be WikiLeaks or that Dossier.
It might be one and the same.

We’ve heard it too many times to ignore it. It’s something that we need to see.

Someday we’ll find it, the Russian connection
The Donald, with Putin and pee.

Lie-da-da, de-da-da-do
Lie-lie-da-da-da-lie-da-do

Gimme Some Water

I get called lots of names. Liberal, Loser, Lush. From people who don’t know me, to friends, to family, to Facebook…even my wife. But one of the few things Christina never calls me, who is around me 24/7, is wrong.

AGAIN, since I need to say it over and over. I don’t have skin in this game…and I call it a game because that is what this has become. I just hope they don’t blow up the planet in the next 20-25 years and I’m good. I don’t have kids, I won’t have grandkids. I won’t have nieces or nephews. You Trump voters will. YOU have skin in the game…but you bow to a Reality TV star that has stretched the truth to get where he is. You are not even sure he’s a billionaire. But I digress. My point is he is dismantling everything that will protect your children and your children’s children. I am not sure why you are in such denial.

Let’s start with the environment. This is an easy one, all you have to do is go back to the 1970’s to see when big business ran unchecked. Long before #MAGA there was Keep America Beautiful. Remember the Indian in the commercial. Maybe next time it will be YOUR descendant questioning what happened. Somehow the post Baby Boomers seem to have forgotten the pollution that ran rampant. But here we are, ready to do it all again. Let’s look local for us New Yorkers. This summer I spent a lot of time on the Hudson River. Before cleanup, sewage, paper mill discharges, and other organic wastes fed bacteria, swelling their populations. Bacteria consumed the dissolved oxygen that the fish needed to breathe. Near Albany in summer of 1970, a study found so little dissolved oxygen that the few fish seen were "swimming slowly at the surface, gulping air, and a disturbing oil film which covered the water surface." The Clean Water Act (CWA) passed in 1977, THE ONE TRUMP IS REPEALING, is the primary federal law in the United States governing water pollution. Its objective is to restore and maintain the chemical, physical, and biological integrity of the nation's waters by preventing point and non-point pollution sources, providing assistance to publicly owned treatment works for the improvement of wastewater treatment, and maintaining the integrity of wetlands. It is one of the United States' first and most influential modern environmental laws.

In the years following the law's passage, polluters gradually came into compliance. The Hudson's color at Tarrytown once matched the paint applied to vehicles at the General Motors plant there. Now such scenes are unthinkable…amazing activity is everywhere. Waterfronts have popped up up and down the coast. And you forget that it was not so long ago that this was impossible. Between approximately 1947 and 1977, GE, another plant on the Hudson, released between 500,000 and 1,500,000 lbs of PCBs into the river. In 1983, the EPA…THE EPA WHICH TRUMP WANTS TO DISMANTLE… declared a 200-mile stretch of the river, from Hudson Falls to New York City, to be a Superfund site requiring cleanup. In 2001, after a ten-year study of PCB contamination in the Hudson River, the EPA…THE EPA… proposed a plan to clean up the river by dredging more than 100,000 pounds of PCBs… and GE had to pay about $460,000,000 for it…NOT THE MEXICANS. In 2014, the EPA …THE EPA…stated that "the incredible work" from The Clean Water Act helped make the Hudson River cleaner than it has been in decades. Go take a look for yourself.

This is just one example, in one state, of one natural recourse…water. I have not even touched on the air and the land. It's ironic that the man whose carbon footprint was labeled “Tyrannosaurus Rex”… looks like the only one who cares. But in reality, since I won't be around, I don’t.

But you should.

Will the USA go by the way of the USFL

"Mike, give Trump a chance...you see he's a great businessman, he'll get things done." You see, I already did that long ago…

It was 1982 and I was in High School. I was suffering through the NFL strike, which eliminated 7 weeks from the regular season. And yes, I was just as rabid a football fan back then…maybe even more so. I had football withdrawal. However when playing resumed, I sported my “I survived the NFL strike” T-shirt. But losing almost 2 months of football was not easy to digest. But alas, I would soon learn that a new football league would be starting in the spring of 1983. Also, football year round! I’m in! Even though I just learned about it, apparently it had been in the works since I was born! They knew…

The USFL was the brainchild of David Dixon who had been instrumental in bringing the New Orleans Saints to town. In 1965, he envisioned football as a possible spring and summer sport. Over the next 15 years, he studied the last two challengers to the NFL's dominance of pro football, the American Football League and the World Football League. In 1980, he commissioned a study by Frank Magid Associates that found promising results for a spring and summer football league. He'd also formed a blueprint for the prospective league's operations, which included early television exposure, heavy promotion in home markets, and owners willing to absorb years of losses, which he felt would be inevitable until the league found its feet. He also assembled a list of prospective franchises located in markets attractive to a potential television partner. With respected college and NFL coach John Ralston as the first employee, Dixon signed up 12 cities, nine where there already were NFL teams and three where there were not. The Dixon Plan called for teams in top TV markets to entice the networks into offering the league a TV deal. All but two of the 12 initial teams were located in the top 13 media markets in the US. After almost two years of preparation, Dixon formally announced the USFL's formation at the 21 Club in New York City on May 11, 1982, to begin play in 1983. ESPN president Chet Simmons was named the league's first commissioner in June 1982.

David Dixon took over 17 years of planning and preparation into this venture. Donald Trump would destroy it in two.

Before the USFL would start, our friends gathered round to pick a favorite team. I had liked Detroit a little from watching them on Thanksgiving…it was always root for the Lions and against the Cowboys. So when I saw there was a team in Michigan, I picked them. I didn’t even know what their mascot would be. Over the course of a few weeks I found out they would be the Panthers. Not bad, as a Steeler fan the local college was the Panthers. A good sign. Also, the USFL implemented a draft where teams had the first right to sign local college stars to help give the teams an identity. I thought this was brilliant, follow your home town college favorites into the league. Well, for the Panthers one of the colleges was Wisconsin, who at that time was one of my favorite NCAA football teams. But wait, there’s more. The Panthers, as other USFL teams did, raided some of the NFL teams for talent. The Panthers would sign 3 offensive linemen from the Steelers, including Ray Pinney and defensive end John Banaszak. It was shaping up pretty nicely.

The schedule soon arrived and the Panthers would open on Monday night, March 7, 1983. I had seen the logo in black and white, but did not know the exact colors. When the team took the field that night in their Royal Plum, Champagne Silver, Light Blue uniforms I was hooked! And there, my favorite player from Wisconsin, safety David Greenwood, stood in #31. It was a sloppy game but the Panthers prevailed 9-7. Spring football was here, and Mikey liked it. However, the Panthers would go on to lose the next 4 games to go 1-4, but I did not abandon them. Finally in a rain soaked game at the Meadowlands, against the New Jersey Generals, they turned it all around. It would start a 13-2 run that would end up culminating with a win in the first ever USFL Championship game. The New Jersey General’s, who started their dominance, would ironically be a part of their demise. You see, in September 1983, the New Jersey Generals were sold to real estate magnate Donald Trump.

Trump had always envisioned owning an NFL team. However, you need to be voted on by the existing NFL owners to own such a prestigious franchise. And they would have none of him. Thwarted, he saw an opening…and the chickens let the fox into the henhouse. The USFL owners who were competing dollar for dollar with NFL team's players felt Trump’s money would give them the edge they needed. He signed big name players and boasted he would have the team to beat. His team however would fail to win even one playoff game. But putting a winner on the field was not his motive…and the USFL owners would soon find that out. He started pushing his fellow owners to move the league's games to the fall and go head-to-head with the NFL. "If God wanted football in the spring," Trump once said, "he wouldn't have created baseball." He ignored years of research by David Dixon. The Donald said he knew better…where have we heard this before. Instead of continuing spring football, Trump had hoped to compete head to head with the NFL. His ultimate goal was not to save the fledgling league, but that the NFL would absorb a team or two, more specifically HIS team into the NFL. He would then have his wish of owning an NFL team realized. In his usual con-man antics, he was able to convince the owners this was the right thing to do.  In preparation for the move, they had to realign the teams that could not play fall football in certain NFL cities. One of those teams was the Michigan Panthers. After the 1984 season, with only 2 years of their existence, the Panthers folded as per Trump’s marching orders. They would combine with the Oakland Invaders, but they had lost this fan forever. My team, my spring football taken away...by a spoiled rich kid who wanted to play with the big boys. And how did that go? Well after the league's third season, they announced a fall schedule in 1986. The USFL would never play another game.

Trump tried to force the NFL owners hand. But they were not falling for it. Trump took them to court…where technically he did win. But what did the judge award him? Millions? The right for the USFL to play in the fall? Maybe even that the NFL had to absorb his team? No, this man you elected to run our Country, this failed businessman...if we could see his taxes, was awarded $1. But wait…good news, he was due triple indemnity…so he actually got the USFL three dollars. Trump's ego took a man’s lifelong dream, a fan base watching spring football and a kid’s passion…and threw it away for his own selfish reasons. The NFL owners recognized long ago he did not belong running a franchise.

Too bad America didn’t see the same thing.