Commuted Sentence

Commuted Sentence

Many of you have followed my posts on Facebook detailing my trials and tribulations of commuting on the LIRR.  But, believe it or not, there are days when the railroad works perfectly fine.  This, however, does not shield me from my remaining morning commute.  I thought I would share with you a regular travel day.

Today was a typically good commute.  It usually begins with the alarm going off at 6:15.  However, this morning I would wake up a few minutes before.  This is a good sign, my body is telling me it is ready to go.  The bathroom routine, including getting dressed, lasts about 25 minutes.  The need to be quiet is removed since the wife fell asleep downstairs watching TV.   I head down the stairs to my office to gather my commuter gear.  This morning I have time to pay a few bills on the computer.  I toss my bag over my shoulder and head to leave.  Max comes over to give me a kiss goodbye, however the wife is still sound asleep.  I check his hot spot and tell him he will be allowed in the pool soon.  He wags his tail seemingly to understand. The best part of my morning has just ended.

I get in my car to go.  I forgot my wallet.  I have to turn the car off since my house key is on the same chain.  I enter and Max looks up.  He is used to me forgetting something so he doesn’t bother to come over.  I find my wallet where my wife “put it”.  Lucky for her, otherwise she would have been woken up.  Out the door, Take 2.  The car is started again and gives a huff, probably pissed off I should make up my mind.  It is now 6:55, I am a few minutes behind schedule.

The route to the train station is embedded in my still sleepy mind.  It is summer, so no school buses can hamper my progress.  But added to my commute are two new stop signs on the side street that cuts over to Terry Road.  I stop for the first, I can’t remember if I stopped for the second.   I get to the light to turn on Terry, it is a censored light so I will have to wait.  I make the left and head towards Old Nichols Road only to find cones and a cop.  Great.  I am informed I can’t go straight, I would have to turn right.  That was my intention anyway.  As I approach the LIE I have the green.  Meaningless.  It turns yellow and the entire row of laned traffic halts.  There is a camera at this intersection and everyone knows it.  Jamming on your brakes at a yellow has now become commonplace, and it will eventually cause a severe accident…a blog for another day.

I head east on the LIE as I watch the backed up traffic head west.  My journey on this road lasts only 2 exits, but that is long enough to deal with a deluge of deranged drivers.  Exit 60 is the Ronkonkoma train station.  I head to the parking garage and find a few open spots.  Seems everyone drove their SUV's today.  I find a spot that is not adjacent to one of these behemoths so I can minimize my dings.  Out of the car and off to the station.  I was able to get a spot on the first level so I would not be using the bridge overpass.  I cross the street where the vehicles are supposed to yield to the pedestrians.  Yeah, good luck with that.

I arrive at the station and have to pass through the smokers.  Smoking is prohibited on the platform so they stand just beside it.  Yeah, and we all know smoke just stays in ONE place.  Another great idea brought to you by the LIRR.  The morning's synchronized swimming of train arrivals from the stockyard progresses on.  My train, the 7:19, will arrive on Track 1.  No need for me to use the station overpass to access the other side.  The 7:04 had just pulled out of Track 2 leaving a non-passenger double decker diesel residing on Track 1.  I take the steps up to the platform and head to my usual standing spot.  This morning, a woman I recognize has beaten me to it.  Not a big deal, she usually sits on the outside of a three seater…and I like the window seat.  I arrive at the spot exactly where the second door of car #4 of the 7:19 will come to rest.  However, the diesel train is still there.  This train needs to leave before my train can arrive.  We all have to wait on the platform until the LIRR engineer gets his coffee, puts in 2 sugars and stirs.  He blows the smoke off the steaming hot cup, and takes a sip.  How do I know this?  It is the same thing EVERY morning.

I can see the 7:19 creeping into the station waiting for the diesel train to depart.  I guess coffee boy finally got her in gear and off they go.  My train pulls up right behind it.  Even though the door opens closer to me, I allow the woman to enter first.  Yeah, sometimes I can be a gentleman.  This morning she chooses to sit in the end seat of row 5.  I ALWAYS sit in row 5…perhaps she is not as observant as I.  As soon as she sits I say "excuse me" so I can get into the window seat.  She huffs.  Hey lady, you are on the outside seat.  SOMEONE is going to ask you to get up so they can sit by the window.  It just happens to be ME, the guy who sits in that very same seat every day.

Now I usually see this woman on the train.  While she looks nice and dresses well, she apparently puts her perfume on with a crop duster.  The smell permeates throughout the entire car.  I think if you look closely you can see a dust cloud around her that would make Pig Pen proud.  And today I would be in the eye of the storm.  Luckily I was tired this morning.  With my commuter pillow out, I was asleep before Brentwood.  The usual ticket taker must have been on vacation.  He always has to say “Thank You” upon seeing your ticket…even if you are asleep.  Of course you are asleep no more.  I did not wake up until just outside the tunnel.  I realized the AC was barely on in our car as I awoke in a sweat…nice.  Now I need a shower.  I look to my left and the woman is gone, but my nose believes she is still there.

We arrive on Track 15.  Good, they have an escalator…maybe it will be working today.  Of course not.  Welcome to Penn Station.  We begin to bottleneck, as riders now have to walk up the escalator steps.  We arrive at the top to find bookend homeless people.  Both are sound asleep, but their smells are not.  I long for the crop dusted lady.  They lay face down as the commuters pass by.  Are they alive?  Who knows…I am sure they have been here all weekend without getting hassled.  I arrive at the West End Corridor.  Never heard of it?  Not surprised.  All it is is a suspended tube-like overpass above the LIRR tracks.  If you thought the atmospheric conditions trackside were intolerable, welcome to the West Side.  There is no form of life support at all in this tube.  If you think the main part of Penn Station is a shithole, you should take a look at the bastard stepchild part near 8^th Avenue.

I quickly exit this sweatbox and head towards the E.  I go through the turnstiles and actually have a nice walk to the station.  It is clean compared to Penn (then again what isn’t).  Artistic tiled walls with freshly replaced billboards are a welcomed change of pace.  As I arrive to the steps of the platform I hear the subway at the station.  I quickly head up the first batch of stairs but then turn to see several fat ladies struggling up the steps.  As they blocked my passage the E pulls away.  I would have to wait in the stifling air for the next one.

Finally the next E arrives.  One of the fat ladies vies for a seat, but I arrive first.  She will have to search elsewhere.  The air-conditioned car is my only reprieve on the commute.  We arrive at 53rd and Lex to find an opposite bound E already there.  Great, two trains unloading at the same time.  As if the platform weren’t small enough.  The backup is greater than usual and I arrive to find only one working escalator.  Well, at least one of them is working.  Take the steps you say?  Well, if you did, then you have never gotten off the E at this stop.  You are in the 7^th level of hell.  I know, I counted all of them.  You are 7 stories below ground.  Like Danny Vermin in Johnny Dangerously…I walked it once…ONCE.

The 7 stories unveil decade’s worth of neglect.  Paint chips, leak stains and some unidentified disgustingness dominate the scenery.  The escalator puts me below 875 3^rd Ave.  The dilapidated jaunt gives way to a moment of refinement.  The atrium is filled with stores, plants and a piano.  It is a beautiful building…it is not mine.  I use their escalator for my final leg of my mole like travel.  I arrive above ground at 52^nd and 3^rd.  I fight my way through the stupidity of the pedestrian traffic…see my previous blog.  The 777 building is my finally destination, resting on 49^th and 3^rd.  Through the revolving glass doors and past security, I head to the elevators.  My office is on the 3^rd floor.  The elevator doors close before I can get on…thanks guys.

Gone are my mornings when the commute was an afterthought.  From living on 182 East Mineola Ave and working at 149 East Mineola Ave…to being able to beat “Stairway to Heaven” to work on the radio.  Now the hardest part of my job…is getting to it.

And this is on a good day.